Ahhhhhhh...

I am lonely tonight...early morning hours of Tuesday. My mother is having some angst ridden time tonight and she doesn't want me to sleep, she wants me awake to sit with her. I have sat with her most of the evening... she is weepy and moaning and crying my name. She is not in pain, she is not in any discomfort, she just wants me with her. I've managed to calm her down long enough to allow me a bit of time to myself online, to type this... i feel so alone right now and feelign more than a bit stir crazy.

Recently i had her to the emergency room and they ran a battery of tests and found nothing wrong with her. She is just so full of panic, i have no idea where it stems from. She is on oxygen 24 hours a day... and i know she feels uptight about that, she worries constantly that the power will go out and she won't be able to breathe. I reassure her that she is still able to breathe without it... but we also have a battery operated portable unit that we can switch to in case of emergency or when we have to leave the house... as rare as that is.

I am stressed right now... i switched on icq, no one is online, no one to talk with for a little while even... that would help... ease a bit of the pressure. Of course people have their own lives and sleep, unlike my mother and i... we tend to nap more than sleep, especially these last few days.

I think she has fallen asleep but i'm sure my blood pressure has shot up... my head is pounding... i really don't know the best way to deal with her when she is like this, very clingy, very needy. I love her and i am really trying but sometimes her demands, or rather her expectations of me..are above and beyond what i seem capable of dealing with.

So here i am sitting here, writing this blog. If someone were online i wouldnt talk about what happens here... i keep it to myself, which is why i started this. If nothing else, an outlet...at the very least an outlet.

I think i'll try to slip into bed without waking her and try and get some sleep...i'm tired..i'm stressed and i have a killer headache now.

Goodnight... may tomorrow be a better day for my mother and me.